His Goddamn Jackass Behavior by Terveen Gill

They didn’t know what to do with him.

He was spilling all over the place. His tears were creating a ruckus that was proving hard to contain.

In fact, he was slobbering, his mouth resembling a sporadic fountain of saliva.

They tried to amuse him with jokes, funny anecdotes that had cracked him up in the past.

But he was inconsolable.

Three months away from his thirtieth birthday, his face now looked like it had aged twenty years in the past half hour.

If he wasn’t going to act like an adult, then they’d deal with him as if he were a child.

Threats and sternness worked wonders with the human psyche.

And initially, it appeared that their strategy would bear fruit.

The man’s sobs lightened, his breathing regularized, and his eyes released their furrowed stance. He could now clearly see the irritated faces centered upon him.

Though another’s annoyance rarely brought out the best in anyone, the man found himself smiling – sheepishly.

He mumbled something close to an apology and pledged his sobriety – no more tears, I promise.

Their hands thumped his back and then they pulled him to his feet. If they didn’t leave immediately, he would never make it.

There were crumples and creases in his clothes, but they couldn’t be changed or replaced. So he smoothened the expensive fabric with his clammy palms keeping himself occupied in the car till they reached their destination.

The building was as old as the town, its stony façade unaffected by time and the weathering of seasons.

They took turns guiding him – out the car – up the stairs – through the door – down the aisle – placing him at the altar to wait for his bride.

And when the church organ played the wedding march, necks turned including his to witness her arrival.

She resembled an angel in white, her golden curls bringing out the blue depths of her eyes. As she nimbly walked upon the wooden floor, he felt the weight of her steps in his heart.

And the overwhelming feeling made the tears return to his eyes – first drops – then a trickle – finally a loud wail that made him double over. The surprised pastor stumbled back in apprehension.

All eyes turned to the sobbing man now guilty of stealing his bride’s special moment.

Still several feet away, the upset woman cleared her throat and dutifully appealed for her groom’s redemption.

‘Father! Please forgive this man for his goddamn jackass behavior.’

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