Pain Never Leaves You by Terveen Gill

I wake and find that it’s in the bathroom, waiting for me to join it. It sits on my toothbrush, restless to give my lips a kiss. I brush like there’s a demon in the depths of my mouth, it must be purged before I utter a single syllable.

I spit. And rinse.

Perhaps I’ve lost it but it sings in my ear, nibbling the lobe. It supposes itself my lover, but I’ll have no part in this contemptuous charade.

I’ve carried it for so long, yet it appears no lighter.

Bite. Chew. Swallow.

It’s eating my face, bit by bit. My eyes are two hollows, my cheeks almost gone, the curve of my chin too slim. I feel it beneath my skin, slithering, freely exploring me.

Scratch. Scratch. Scratch.

My fingernails dig into my flesh. It breaks and bleeds.

But the rogue is too quick for me. It spills out of my nose into my lap, splashing around my bare feet. I try to kick it away but it’s too slippery. I fall and rise – fall and rise – watching my self-esteem die in front of me.

Why won’t it leave me?

It takes my hand and pulls me. I drag behind it, no willpower, no desire, no one to rescue me.

They say I’m a lost cause, a fruitless effort.

I say they better watch out for it. Not a soul has escaped it.

It laughs and laughs while I shrink in a corner. Then it cries like a baby that hasn’t been fed.

Something’s burning.

It’s my brain.

My chest feels empty.

Where’s my heart?

It fell into my stomach.

Now I’m always too full to eat. Too tired to sleep. Too scared to face it.

It wraps around my shoulders and gives them a squeeze.

I whisper – please leave.

It slinks through my eye and hisses – pain never leaves you.

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36 comentarios sobre “Pain Never Leaves You by Terveen Gill

  1. This one’s intense and so well written. My immediate thought was «depression.» It has such an insidious hold on those of us who suffer from it. The visuals here are graphic and disturbing and so well crafted. As a big fan of horror, this is so appealing to me on many levels. Your golden pen creates another masterpiece, Terveen! 🙂

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    1. You’re so right, Mike. Depression can squeeze the life out of a person. I think it simply chips away as it pleases. How much can one bear is the bottom line. Yes, the horror is very real and pain can be a monster. I raise the golden pen to you and say thank you. Write on, my friend. It helps. 🙂

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    1. I can understand what you’re saying, Cindy. Often, we contemplate what type of pain would be bearable and easier to handle. But life throws so many surprises at us that we just have to deal with the circumstances without much choice. I wish that you and pain stay as far apart as possible. Take care. 🙂

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  2. Thank you my dear. Often it’s the pain of others that hits you worse. My BFF of 40 years has just been detected cancer. A nasty one… We’re all trying to adjust. See what on earth one can do to «help». Difficult… But I will hang in there. Been doing that for quite a while… LOL. Life is all about Death, right? (A poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more…) 😉
    (Shakespeare is every day more accurate I’m afraid…)

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    1. I’m really sorry, Brian. That is such a big blow. I pray that your friend finds peace and courage ahead. I wish you well too. Life is about death and suffering and the toughest lessons. How much can we bear? Now that’s the question. Shakespeare is on a roll….

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      1. I would say there is no limit to how we can bear. Until we snap. For the time being, he’s ok. Digesting I guess. I might change our summer plans. I thought we would forego Paris and move around «up North», US and Canada. Might switch back to Paris…
        Yes, old Will is on a roll.

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