You’re Suffering from Writer’s Foot by Terveen Gill

‘There’s nothing wrong with your foot.’

Macy Werie wiggled her toes and eyed the doctor with disdain. The man was getting ahead of himself.

‘Doctor, before meeting me today, had you ever heard of the name Macy Werie?’

Doctor Hesma frowned and replied, ‘No. Never.’

Macy had the man where she wanted him. She smiled but it wasn’t out of joy.

‘See! There is something wrong with my foot.’

This was Doctor Hesma’s last appointment of the day. He was tired, hungry, and irritable. But he still humored the woman.

‘So your foot is the reason I’ve never heard of you?’

Macy let out a long sigh, slapped her thigh and almost kissed the doctor.

‘Thank God! You finally get it. Yes!’

The doctor masked his frustration with the blankest expression. The woman was getting on his nerves.

‘The only way people will ever know me is if I finish writing my novel. That’s my path to fame. See?’

Doctor Hesma removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes with his fingers, massaging the annoyance out of them. All he wanted to see was Macy Werie leaving his office. Yet he enquired further.

‘Do you write with your foot?’

Macy tried to laugh but only managed a snort.

‘What a stupid question. Who writes with their foot?’

The doctor wanted nothing more than to see the woman gone, out the door and the building. So far gone that she could never find her way back.

‘You’ve completely lost me, Macy. Why don’t I refer you to a better doctor and –’

Macy grabbed her foot and lifted it, thrusting it before the doctor’s face.

‘I don’t want a better doctor. I WANT YOU!’

If there had been more patients in the waiting room, Macy’s last three words could’ve started a malicious rumor. But there was no one there but them.

The woman’s idiotic behavior reminded the doctor of his deceased mother, gone senile in old age, she had displayed rather similar characteristics. The man would tackle Macy the way he did his mother.

‘Now, now, tell me what you want. Come on. You can do it.’

The doctor’s coaxing made Macy feel like a dog. She wondered whether the man would throw a ball next and expect her to fetch it. Nonetheless, the woman expressed her wish.

‘Please cut my foot off.’

Doctor Hesma reacted like any normal human being.

‘Are you insane?! Why would I do that?!’

‘Because it has been cursed. I stepped on a voodooed lemon. You know – black magic – the evil eye.’

The doctor didn’t even try to reply.

‘Now I’m damned because of this foot. I can’t finish writing my book.’

Macy’s tears were quick to start and finish. The doctor had only one question.

‘How many books have you written before this?’

Macy thought her answer over carefully.

‘None.’

There was some scribbling on a blank paper and Doctor Hesma handed Macy his diagnosis and prescription.

‘You’re suffering from writer’s foot. It’s a common ailment. Nothing to worry. Soak the foot in cold water morning and evening. Apply this cream four times a day to the affected area. And just sit down and write. You’ll be fine.’

‘Are you sure?’

Macy’s squeak was barely audible.

Doctor Hesma smiled but it almost killed him.

‘Yes, Macy. I’m sure. Go home now.’

The doctor kicked back his chair, grabbed his coat, and opened the door. Macy understood the appointment was over and before she could ask, the doctor informed her.

‘No need for a follow up. You must never set foot in this office again.’

The doctor lowered his voice.

‘Writer’s foot is highly contagious. Keep your feet as wide apart as you can.’

Macy’s thick lashes fluttered.

‘Wouldn’t that look odd, Doctor?’

The man wanted to bite off his tongue. Instead, he spoke with kindness.

‘Believe me, Macy. I’ve seen much odder things.’

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