How much Pretense can a Person Afford? by Terveen Gill

How much is too much? When should you own up and prepare to fall apart?

Is being strong equivalent to being stupid when your brain and heart are in a bloody mess?

What about those around you? The ones you look at and think – If only God had cut them slack, given them the ability to fight their own battles.

Yet there you stand ready to attack, vanquish their demons while your own devour you.

And with each strike you lose a piece of yourself and those that you defend still crumble and crack. How

You’re losing the ground beneath your feet, yet instead of fleeing, you sink deeper into a pit of bleakness.

Only cowards turn and run.

Victory eludes you and you begin to realize that you’re not exactly sure what the fight is all about.

That’s when it hits you.

Not every problem has a plausible solution.

Treatment and cure can be opposite banks of a river. Never will they meet to converge. The half-baked lies you often tell yourself eat away at you like sickness.

The three words you throw around at leisure – All is well – point their fingers and wag their tongues at you.

Is everything alright? Can you say it without blinking an eye or shedding a tear?

Stop the nonsense! Step back and assess the damage!

You’re a fool if you can’t feel that hole in your soul. It won’t fill itself. Give it the nourishment it needs. Allow the truth to caress it.

Optimism has boundaries for a reason. Too much of it can turn you into a zombie with neutral ambition.

You pretend not to feel the weight of your hurt.

You pretend not to see your dreams biting the dust.

You pretend not to accept that you may never be okay.

For once jolt yourself out of the numbness and allow yourself to feel real emotions.

Cry! Scream! Curse!

Boldly ask yourself – how much pretense can a person afford?