Does it ever get better? by Bogdan Dragos

"Is having a few
sextapes here
and there
enough to lose custody
of my kids?" she asked. "I do
porn. So what?
It's just another
job."

"No," he said. "They took
your kids
because they were
in the back seat of
the car while you
were giving head
to a guy in front. You can
hear their voices
in the tape
and even see them
a little. That's
very irresponsible of you."

"Ah, fuck you.
Who are
you to judge me?"

"Just someone who
wouldn't perform sexual
acts with children
present.
That makes me superior
to you."

"Well let's see you try to
find a place for 'em
after you've
been evicted from
the fourth house in three
months.
I think I made the right
choice. I'm pretty
sure I did.
It was raining outside! Anyone
took that into
consideration?
No! They just wanna point
the finger and blame. It's
all they know. I'm just
doing what I can
to take care of
me and my family. I got
paid and got
gas in the tank
and bought them snacks
afterwards.
Why does nobody mention
that?
Shit, the world is just
cruel. It's
plain cruel. And is it better
for them now?
Is it better that they've
been taken into
foster care where they're gonna
get raped by the older
kids and
their food is gonna get
stolen?
Is it really better now?
The more I look at it
the more it
seems like I'm living
in hell.
Does it ever get
better? Seriously,
does it ever?"

"After we die," he said

"Then why do we
live in the
first place? What's the point?"

"To realize that
there's nothing to live for
and show yourself out
as soon as possible."

"No... You're wrong."

"What?"

"I said you're wrong. There is
still... I mean, I just
know for sure
that if I could get my
children back
and... and if I could actually
provide for them
like a real mother,
that would make me really
happy.
I'd find heaven in that. Then
life would
really have a meaning."

"What? You mean you're
really not gonna
suicide with me?
Are you serious?"

"Fuck you. You can go
to hell alone
tonight.
I'm getting my kids back."

And just like that
she put her
clothes on
and was out the door

didn't even
taste the cocaine
this time

He watched the door
slam in her wake
and it felt
like witnessing God wink

"Well, I'll be damned..." he said,
and got up