A Man’s Life by Terveen Gill

(Blog Terveen)

I’m an honorable man. I live a respectable life. I love myself.

These words are not my own thinking. I have bought them at a hefty price. Psychiatrists will never be affordable. They rob you of your money, pretending to gift you priceless thoughts. I stand in front of the mirror repeating these redundant lines.

Twenty times. With ample deep breaths. If only I could muster the guts to say the truth.

I’m a worthless man. I live a tormented life. I hate myself.

But then that would defeat the very purpose of my treatment. I’m not sure why I ever agreed to it in the first place. Isn’t life much more than a bucket of laughs? And what’s all this joy, peace, and self-love nonsense?

If man was so complete on his own, then why marry, have children, and continue to worry of dying of loneliness? Wouldn’t we all be satisfied with who we are and what we have? But that’s not how man is molded.

I speak for myself and on behalf of many others.

The pills, three in the morning – two in the evening, muddle my feelings. They leave me numb in the head, empty in the heart. That’s not a cure to my sadness, it’s a medicinal form of avoidance.

Maybe I’m a victim of circumstance, or a genetical mess, but I will not be told that my thoughts are wrong, my emotions insignificant. I’ve finally decided to take matters into my hands.

Don’t worry, I’m not suicidal.

I’ll die when I’m meant to. I really don’t want to struggle for that. Today is my last session. I don’t need more help. Hope my psychiatrist doesn’t dip into depression.

I bravely recite my new line.

I’m a man, and I’ll live my life all by myself.

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25 comentarios sobre “A Man’s Life by Terveen Gill

    1. Thanks a lot, Ken. I agree. More talk and lesser judgment is the need of the hour. If only, there was an easier way to address and deal with mental health issues. However, till then, let’s not make it more difficult for each other. 🙂

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      1. Couldn’t agree more Terveen! 👍 Takes a lot for folk to open up about their mental health struggles so we shouldn’t make it harder for them to talk about their issues and get the help they need! 😁❤️

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  1. Great story and I love it because in many ways I think it can be the truth. We are all individuals who have our own truth and thoughts. Medication is a way to numb sadness and feelings that may need to be felt to understand and heal. Great ending too. Hope you are having an amazing week. Blessings Joni ❤️

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    1. I appreciate that you could feel and understand the emotions and despair involved. It’s not easy to be controlled by a mind and heart that are at constant war. Every individual can never be one hundred percent and some may require more help than others. However, categorizing and labeling will never do any good. No two can ever be the same and the remedies will always differ. Hope keeps the world going, I suppose… 🙂

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      1. You are so right about that Terveen. I needed the help of an antidepressant once for a year, it helped me function and do my work during a tough time, there were only two things I thought of, just try and focus on getting through the job, and don’t forget to stop and get your half pint of Baskin Robbins chocolate mousse ice cream. Every night I had tater tot‘s, hamburger, my half pint of ice cream and a few episodes of the old Star Trek. When this very difficult period of time stopped, I got off the Prozac, eventually lost the five sizes I gained and no longer ate like a maniac. Well I am sort of craving tater Todd‘s ice cream and a hamburger with all the Fixin‘s. You are right of course one should never label or categorize anyone and there are very good reasons why people take medications and there’s nothing wrong with that. Well said, my favorite editor. Have an amazing evening. Hugs 🤗 Joni

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  2. I love your character studies, Terveen. Always complex and there’s more than first meets the eye. Very effective juxtaposition of the man’s self talk, how he wants to feel, how he really feels… You always manage to put so much drama into very few words.

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    1. Thanks a lot, Britta. Much of what I write comes from certain places within that even I didn’t know existed. I think the subconscious, heart, and soul put the words together. Thank you for always appreciating and identifying the spirit of my stories. 🙂

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  3. Profound and poignant, Terveen. There are so many issues with the way we categorize and label people, when the best thing we can do is to teach people how to understand their emotions, and why they feel the way they do; and, let them know that’s it’s perfectly normal and okay. A lovely write, my friend. ☺️

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    1. I love how you say this, Jeff. This deep understanding can only come from experience. Live and let live is much more complex than it sounds. We must accept others for who they are and try to help in any way we can without passing judgment. Thank you, Jeff, for the profound comment. 🙂

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