That Badass Challenge by Terveen Gill

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How had he gotten his hands on the damn thing?

If she remembered correctly, it had been hidden in the bottom drawer of her wardrobe beneath three rows of neatly folded socks and her crocheted bikini which she could only dream of squeezing into now. But she had kept the flimsy thing as a keepsake, a reminder of her skinnier days.

He balanced the damn thing on the palm of his hand and his outstretched arm invited her to take a closer look and identify her most recent online purchase.

His words were disarranged unlike the neat smile framed upon his plump face.

‘Is this – what were you – come on now – hahahaha…’

She wanted to grab the damn thing and throw it back at his face, but its negligible weight wouldn’t have achieved the harmful results she desired.

So she continued to stare him straight in the eye and spat out her anger and shame.

‘How dare you go snooping through my things! Are you turning into a pervert?!’

There was a flash of guilt and hurt and then his black eyes resumed their accusing glare.

‘Don’t try to change the subject. I was looking for those donuts you stole from the fridge. But this looks more interesting.’

He had her where he wanted her, sweating and running out of excuses to defend herself. But then a light came on in the dimmest place and her illuminated mind thought – what the hell!

‘Yours is prettier than mine and so much softer. That’s not fair!’

She whined like an irritated toddler who wanted nothing and everything.

His smile vanished and a surprised ‘wuh’ fell from its place. She grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the mirror.

‘Turn around!’

He did and she tugged his boxers down to his ankles.

‘See?!’

He turned his head to look back at his reflection. His butt did look nice and round, plain white skin with no dents, moles, spots, or discoloration. It was a butt to be proud of. Especially when all he did was sit on it most of the day.

‘Go ahead. Feel it.’

She didn’t sound happy, but his hand felt like it was in heaven as it moved against smooth skin.

‘When was the last time you used soap or cream on it?’

She answered her own question.

‘Never!’

She ripped the box from his hand and shoved it close to his face.

‘Butt cream! Yes! Two months. Thrice a day. My butt will put your butt to shame.’

He pulled up his shorts and yanked hard on the elastic. His grin and confidence were back.

‘Bring it on, sour-butt!’

30 Comentarios Agrega el tuyo

  1. Muy bueno / very good! Terveen

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    1. Terveen Gill dice:

      Thank you so much, Juan. 🙂

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  2. Terveen’s silly side revealed 😀

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    1. Terveen Gill dice:

      Life is too short not to be silly. I hope you agree, David. If you’re silly and you know it, clap your hands – Clap! Clap!
      Haha! Writing should also be fun. Thanks. 🙂

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      1. oh! 🤦‍♂️ so that’s what I’ve been doing wrong all this time! I thought I was supposed to cut up some fresh onions and chew on horseradish before writing poetry!

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      2. Terveen Gill dice:

        You are a poet of many shades and I’m glad that silly fun humor reflects in your words as well. Please note – I’m not calling you a shady poet. 🙂

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      3. 😉 Maybe I’m the Phat Shady to Eminem’s Slim Shady

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      4. I think quite a few of us are in that boat. COVID weight gain is a real pain in the butt.

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  3. Gosh! What a butt that is, Terveen. haha. Very cute!

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    1. Terveen Gill dice:

      Thanks so much, Shobana. No butts about it. haha! 🙂

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  4. Mike U. dice:

    Oh boy! 😀 Well done, Terveen!

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    1. Terveen Gill dice:

      I thank you from the ‘bottom’ of my heart, Mike. 🙂

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      1. Mike U. dice:

        Haha! I had a pantload of butt puns lined up but decided to just remain low-key for some reason. Seriously though, it’s a hilarious tale. You’ve got a real knack for this writing thing. 🙂

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      2. Terveen Gill dice:

        Thanks a lot, Mike. Never hold back any pun or bun. It’ll just give you indigestion and turn into a royal pain in the a**. Puns have a mind and behind of their own. Haha! I better stop now. 🙂

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  5. Jane Aguiar dice:

    Wow! Exciting story 😀

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    1. Terveen Gill dice:

      Thank you so much, Jane. 🙂

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      1. Jane Aguiar dice:

        You are always welcome dear Terveen 😊

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    1. Terveen Gill dice:

      Matters pertaining to the butt tend to be humorous. Haha! Thank you. 🙂

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  6. You do have a knack for finding killer topics. Wish I had heard about butt cream years ago!

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    1. Terveen Gill dice:

      Haha! Thanks so much, Geoff. Someone somewhere is certainly making money off of insecure butts. Didn’t even know that was a thing. 🙂

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  7. tony espino dice:

    Now this post is actually bootylicious! She needs a lock on that drawer. Apparently I’ve been using the wrong cream this whole time. I’ve just been using whipped cream. Hopefully her butt turns into an award winning butt, and the cream doesn’t have severe side effects causing her to grow more butts that can’t be contained in this dimension and are forced into an alternate universe where beautiful butts are unheard of and all the ugly butts in the land view them as monsters and begin to hunt them down forcing the beautiful butts to fake their deaths and live underground where they have an existential crisis while they overeat gallons of worms and plot their beautiful butt uprising. But at least she’d get her money’s worth.

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    1. Terveen Gill dice:

      Lol! Whipped cream may not give the desired results. ‘A beautiful butt uprising’…that sounds triumphant. Imagine all those lovely cheeks hitting back and sending the ‘not so lovely ones’ to the land of the banished bottoms. I like how your imagination runs ahead of you. So that’s where you burn the calories from the waffles and whipped cream. Thanks a ton! 🙂

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  8. johnlmalone dice:

    a playful piece with delightful twists and turns 🙂

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    1. Terveen Gill dice:

      Thank you so much, John. 🙂

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  9. Jeff Flesch dice:

    The comments on this post are as funny as the write, Terveen. I didn’t know they made such a cream…hahaha! A most hearty laugh prior to sleep. Thank you for that. Happy Sunday, my friend.

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    1. Terveen Gill dice:

      Haha! Thank you so much, Jeff. I guess the rear end deserves some love too. I hope you have a great Sunday. 🙂

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      1. Jeff Flesch dice:

        Hahaha! You’re so funny. Hahaha. You’re most welcome, Terveen. Always. Sunday was wonderful, thank you. Have a lovely Monday and rest of the week. ☺️

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  10. jonicaggiano dice:

    Funny story and I could use some of that butt cream. I bet there really is butt cream some where. There is cream for everything else. I still have ten lbs I am trying to lose since COVID. The blessing is we don’t have to look at our butts. This made me laugh. Thanks Terveen. Hugs 🤗 Joni

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