Absolutely Nothing by Terveen Gill

What happens when you live more than half your life and realize that it wasn’t worth the effort, time, or money. You’ve been breathing, eating, drinking, cribbing, weeping, raging, fearing for nothing. Absolutely nothing. If you hadn’t done all the things you did, you would’ve still been in the same place, in the same condition, complaining and regretting, remembering and forgetting. The only difference might be fewer wrinkles, more light-hearted conversations, lesser memories. But no, you sit and mope, and jump to the conclusion that so many days were wasted defending your sanity, upholding your dignity, tackling problems that could’ve trickled away if you had left them on their own, damned them to oblivion. But courage and strength often drive many to go round and round in circles. First, it’s this, then it’s that, and before you know it, issues and situations grow like terminal cancer. There’s no redemption, no cure, no relief. It’s an endless wait for a miracle, a burst of sun through a thick sheet of gray. You should’ve known better, but intellect, stupidity, and ignorance ride in the same boat.

Their delinquent friend emotion swims behind them. The four can never agree on a single thing, they don’t know the meaning of the word harmony. So it’s up, down, left, right, and center, poor you can’t decide which one is more clever. You listen to all and that’s when you fall into the trap of joyless existence, guilty transgressions, negative accumulations. There’s only so much weight your scrawny shoulders and smooth back can bear. On and on you go, bending till the ache won’t let you straighten yourself anymore. The ground isn’t the best sight for your tired eyes, but a glimpse of the sky is forbidden. You will be crooked and stale, not the identity you hoped for. Is there a point of return? Is there a way to start over? Or are the remaining years simply a repeat of the harsh lesson that really taught you nothing…

26 Comentarios Agrega el tuyo

  1. This I quite relate to.

    -David

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    1. Terveen Gill dice:

      Thanks, David, for the vote of confidence. 🙂

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  2. There is always a way to start over. Each new «over and over» puts you in a slightly different place. Cumulated repetitive negative experiences can eventually provoke reflection and change.

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    1. Terveen Gill dice:

      That is so true, Geoff. I think negative experiences teach us deeper and more meaningful lessons. I agree that there is always a ‘start over’ and a new beginning that will take us some place new. 🙂

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  3. Looking back on our lives can be difficult if we only look at the negatives. As crossroads come in our lives, we try to make the «correct» decisions — whether by whim or gut feeling or thoughtful planning. Sure, regrets come up. I think that’s natural. But I hope to learn as I go along.

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    1. Terveen Gill dice:

      That’s a great and positive attitude, Dave. But since we’re only human, the negatives jump out at us more and often leave us down in the dumps. Let’s pray and hope that we continue to move forward and bounce back each day with renewed resilience. Thank you so much. 🙂

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  4. johnlmalone dice:

    wow, this is heavy, this is no way to live; great writing —

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    1. Terveen Gill dice:

      Thanks so much, John. It’s not the way we would want to live, but so many are struggling to get by. It’s a catch 22 situation. 🙂

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  5. Michele Lee dice:

    Not an easy task, but I believe there is always a way to start over. A moving piece, Terveen.

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    1. Terveen Gill dice:

      Thank you so much, Michelle. I agree. Have to keep moving ahead. That should be the bull-headed attitude. 🙂

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      1. Michele Lee dice:

        You are welcome, Terveen. Yes, moving forward, even if it means one step back sometimes. 🌻

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  6. tony espino dice:

    Everything’s imperfect right? And the closer you analyze things the more flaws you notice. But none of it lasts anyway. Everything is fleeting. And really who can tell what’s good or bad? In the long run some things that seem bad at the time end up working out for the better. Like that old story about that farmer where things kept happening to him and he framed them as good or bad but they ended up being the opposite. Like his son broke his leg and he thought how terrible, but then that injury preventing him from being drafting into the war. Stuff like that. I’m not smart enough to remember any clever anecdotes, but you get the point. That’s so true about identity. Like we try and choose who we want to be, but in the end it seems like we’re resisting being nobody which is probably what would be most peaceful if our ego could handle it. Life. It’s a wacky place.

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    1. Terveen Gill dice:

      «Like we try and choose who we want to be, but in the end it seems like we’re resisting being nobody which is probably what would be most peaceful if our ego could handle it.»
      These are such wise words, Tony. I think being nobody would be such a peaceful way to be. There would be no insecurities or judgments and comparisons with others. Live and just take in every moment for it won’t come twice. Ego is the root of much evil. Thanks for the wonderful perspective. I think we’d have much fun discussing such things over waffles. 🙂

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      1. tony espino dice:

        I agree. I’ll bring the whipped cream. Lol!

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  7. jonicaggiano dice:

    This is a great piece Terveen as it puts things into perspective. It is a shame to see life as a waste in any way at all and yet many people spend their lives complaining, saying they are going to change and yet never do. We can all change it is not easy but we are all capable of change. I have a nasty temper when I am terribly hurt which is just me reacting to the pain I am feeling. I pray about it all the time and then disappoint myself next time I do it all over again. I am still praying and still working on it though and will not stop. Thank you for this piece as it is nice to stop and think about this very subject once in a while. Great piece, hugs, Joni

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    1. Terveen Gill dice:

      Thanks so much, Joni. I’m so glad that you are aware of what you’d like to change about yourself and are brave enough to accept it. Many live their whole lives being terribly clueless. No fun or learning in that. Bad times and suffering do set things in perspective but only if we want to see the light. I wish much strength and joy to you. You are a wonderful person. 🙂

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      1. jonicaggiano dice:

        You are so welcome Terveen. I
        Do appreciate all your well wishes too. You are a special person with lots of wisdom. Big hugs to you ❤️Joni

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  8. haoyando dice:

    I can relate very well to the story and I bet many people feel the same way. «intellect, stupidity, and ignorance ride in the same boat» That’s a funny line. And emotion comes in to make the team even more dysfunctional. Your story has a existential feel to it and existentialists often feel this way and try to find their authentic being among all the chaos.

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    1. Terveen Gill dice:

      I knew you’d relate to this line, Haoyan. You’ve seen and experienced life through different perspectives. And though some may not be what you would have wanted, you are able to view life through transparent glasses and that’s such a blessing. I believe authenticity is the liberating factor. Your comments always warm my heart. 🙂

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  9. Jeff Flesch dice:

    A truth for so many of us, at some point in our lives. I think we hope to not, however, love this type existence until the end of our days. Though some, for sure, do. You captured a whole lot in this story, Terveen, and balanced mind and heart excellently. Wonderfully written, as always. ☺️

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    1. Terveen Gill dice:

      Thanks so much, Jeff. I appreciate your viewpoint and take on this ever-changing dilemma. It’s a bittersweet existence that makes us teeter-totter. Haha! But that’s the beauty of living and surviving. It’s an ongoing process. 🙂

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      1. Jeff Flesch dice:

        You’re most welcome, Terveen. Always. Hahaha! That’s so true, teeter-totter is a great way to think about it; and it is, indeed, the beauty of living and surviving. 😊

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  10. I guess it is one of those issues that need to be checked. It definitely needs courage and persevance to live life the way you want to. In spite of it all, it is when you rise up above the challenges that you realize that you are victorious. Loved this write, Terveen,

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    1. Terveen Gill dice:

      Thank you so much, Shobana. I definitely agree with you. It’s definitely the rise after the fall and the courage to stand tall that makes one sturdy and able to take life as it comes. I wish you well always. 🙂

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