THE NINCOMPOOP’S LAMENT by Mike Steeden

(Blog Mike)

I stole my love’s heart in Vienna
Poached her false teeth in Zagreb
Yet rather than steal her high heels in Nice
I hid them under our bed

Once upon a blue moon
All her knickers I did nick in New York
Yet rather than thieve her suspenders in France
I posted them over to Cork

The day that I burst her implants
Was the day that it rained cats and dogs
It was thus that I grabbed her new mackintosh
And filled up the pockets with frogs

To me it was such a great wheeze
To bury her bikini in Timbuctoo
Her bra and suspenders in Neasden
Her sexy black stockings in Kathmandu

That she for some reason went off me
Is the one thing I can’t understand
For I took her all over this planet
From Paris to the Rio Grande

She said, “Darling you are such a tosser
Nicking all my things as you do
Yet I do believe I’d rather ‘open up a vein‘
Than be stuck with a complete twat like you”

“My dear where’s the fairness in that then?”
Was all I could think of to say
“For what will you do without me?”
And it was thus that she went on to say

“Because of you I’m flat chested
I can’t chew gum and have to walk with a stick
Also I now get soaked when it rains
Pray God tell me are you really that thick?”

Note:

This dubious ‘poem’ is from 5 years ago. Having just finished the writing part re my new book, ‘Mayday’…it took this old fool 18 months to pen…my mind is a dead as a dodo’s dick, hence today an old rave from the grave. Such is life.


Should you fancy any of my books, then if you ‘click’ the appropriate book’s front cover to the right of this page, then it’ll take you direct into Amazon where both print and Kindle options are available.   

Copyright © 2014-2021. All rights reserved. Unauthorised copying, reproduction, hiring, and lending, prohibited although in a crisis I’ve no issue with any reader using the pages of said book as emergency’s loo roll.

2 Comentarios Agrega el tuyo

  1. Terveen Gill dice:

    This is so funny and creative! I really enjoyed reading it. 🙂

    Me gusta

  2. jonicaggiano dice:

    This is hilariously captivating and funny. Hope she chooses better next time although that might prove to be a bit more challenging. Great fun!

    Me gusta

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